Stay gone.

A trip to Turkey!

This year is officially the best year of my life. My sixth vacation of the year was to Turkey. What a beautiful place it is. It has like everything. Nature, history, architecture, culture and not to forget so very beautiful people. The waterfalls, the mountains, the beach, the mosques, the palaces, the museums, the underground cities. The place is magical. I am so blessed to have seen all of that. Oh and my beautiful and amazingly nice guide. Whenever I see a Turkish flag, I’ll always think of him, because he used to hold a flag so it would be easier for us to spot him in the crowd.

And I had my share of adventure too. Our bus driver fell asleep on the highway while we were travelling from Antalya to Pamukalle. So I had a near death experience. I was seconds away from death.

I long for places like people long for lovers.

So I haven’t posted anything since about 3 months. I should have, for the sake of my own mental health. But what can I say I am a lazy ass. I’ve been avoiding my therapy sessions too because of this very genuine reason.

So about my summers. The BEST part of it was that I traveled alone for the first time, which is like a really big thing for me. I went to Hunza. What a beautiful place it is. If you’re in Pakistan or ever come to Pakistan by any chance, do visit Hunza. To top it off I was lucky enough to meet some beautiful people on this trip too. Its beauty cannot be put into words but I will attach some photos.

Then I went to Dongagli for 5 days with my family. And I have a HUGE family (i’m not saying that in a good way) I mean I love them but I can only handle them in small dozes. I’ve realized that family will always trigger my depression one way or the other. But the mountains helped me through it. So I survived.

Mistakes you made! (2)

You were always the calculated kind of person
with boundaries and rules
Then he came and you burnt all the boundaries
and abandoned all the rules.

He smiled and you gave yourself away
There was something in him
that sent you in a trance like state
And you would have left everything for him

You made him the center of your universe
You believed his lies over everyone
You forgave him for things
that you wouldn’t have forgiven anyone for

But all of that wasn’t enough for him
You weren’t enough for him
and you were all that you had!

A random update on my life.

So it’s almost two weeks since the fight with my father and we are still not talking to each other. If anything I have become a pro at ‘hide and sneak’.

This is like the first time in my life that I have absolutely nothing to do. I know I should’ve started my masters but I didn’t feel like it and I am terrible at doing things when my heart’s not in it. I also know that being this free is a recipe for depression but I am enjoying it. Sitting alone in my bed all day with no alarms and no deadlines, reading books that i’m never gonna be tested on.

Sunset at Siri Paye!

I love that feeling. You know, the one you get when you take a deep breath and suddenly everything feels like it’s going to be okay. When you’re hopeless as can be, and life is going nowhere, there’s those moments we have every now and then where we just stop, and we get this feeling, that can’t be described, but you just.. you just feel like everything really is going to be okay. Like the world stopped spinning for a second, and everything was clear. I need more of those moments.

Be careful what you wish for!

“I thought how unpleasant it is to be locked out; and I thought how it is worse, perhaps, to be locked in.”
― Virginia Woolf

I feel good. This is one of those days when your belief that God has a better plan for you strengthens. I’m a believer but unfortunately sometimes I don’t act like one.

You know when you are a kid they tell you stories of how sometimes a person wants something so badly but he can’t get it and the next day he discovers how that thing could’ve killed him and thanks God for not giving him that thing and learn to always believe in God’s plan.

Well in real life it’s not that simple. Often times it takes you far too long to figure out that what you wanted was not good for you and sometimes some people never figure that out.. But some lucky people do get to see something happen that shows them how it was a blessing in disguise not to have what you wished for.

Not-so-best Friend!

I am hopefully graduating in a month. Today when (for a change I had not much to do) I thought about all these past years in university and what these years gave and took from me. They sure did take a lot but if I connect the dots I was also given all that I needed to cope with what life took from me in these years.